minor utterances

My head has been spinning with ‘Yes!’ moments from reading Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I’m only up to page 52, but in these first 52 pages, I have read words that mirrored so many thoughts I could never put into words.

To make up for what is lacking in my life, I am finding connections and comfort in books.

Today I was reminded why I love Autumn so much. It was a blue dome day, with the occasional cloud dithering about. I fought away all worries that next week, or next month, or next year might bring. I wanted to enjoy today for what it is, and what it was.

Me: “Haha its interestin up to a point… But its kinda sad how humans have created this complexity.. How they get excited over a .1 increase in something… There’s gotta be more to life.. But we all need money to exist…”

You: ” O.o waw thanks for the insight…”

We had a training session at work today. By the end of it, I couldn’t help but wonder how humans have created so much complexity in this world. The saddest thing is, much of this complexity is necessary, from an economic point of view. At the end of the day, money really does make the world go around it seems.

I watched an episode of The Amazing Race tonight. The contestants travelled to Lithuania. I noticed the long shadows that were cast on the ground, and the brilliant blue sky. The contestants ran through the cobbled streets of Vilnius, and then later, through a rural area with curiously green grass. It seems that it was filmed during Autumn. The finish line of this leg was outside a windmill. Watching this episode set my imagination off on adventures in far off lands.

It was painfully apparent today how often I let certain opportunities that arise slip out of reach. Painful, because it is myself who stands by and watches; knowing full well what is in front of me, and that I should reach out and grab it with both hands.

Instead, I idiotically watch it go by - knowing what was there, and what now isn’t. And knowing that there is nobody else to blame.

It was morning. I was in bed, curled up amongst the sheets, while the cold morning air caressed my face. My eyes were closed, and idle thoughts were passing through my mind. As they still often do, they came to you. They came in fragments of moments and words. I dug my head harder against the pillow, and couldn’t help but feel anger, and resentment.

It was afternoon. I was strolling back to my car after being out jogging. An even layer of clouds were holding back the sun. There was a quiet stillness in the air, and idle thoughts were passing through my mind. My thoughts came to an event that has never happened, and I caught myself smiling. It played behind my eyes like some silent movie, as I continued to stroll back to my car.